Sometimes think that it is really very tired of being a human being. 

I think that it can called it “waste” that I live in this world. 

I wanna say sorry to everyone I’ve hurt before. Its all my fault. Whatever have done wrong, it just my fault. 

Sorry..

Dad, I miss you… every time I think of you. 

My tears will suddenly roll down from my eyes. I wish I can go and find you now.. 

I’ve many problems now .. 

I wish I could share it with you…

I need you now.. :(

Who says that a person who laugh and smile everyday, every minute, every seconds mean the person is really happy? Without any problem in her real life or even sad days. The reason she didn’t let everyone know that she’s sad or even had many problem is because she don’t wish to let people know it. Maybe I’m the one of it. Sometimes I really look like a human that don’t know come from where that seems like got a bit weird and just know how to laugh and smile all the time. 

Seriously, other than laugh all the days, maybe I can’t live without L.A.U.G.H. yea, everyone have their own style, and my own style is I can’t live without craziness. Its not my fault. I have to be more stronger than everyone. cause I not like others. everything I have to settle my own self.

I will become like this will sure have its own reason. Maybe I have the different childhood than other people. My lifestyle have change since when I was small. My childhood was just t.e.r.r.i.b.l.e. My childhood can’t be like other people that always live with their whole family. 

I’m different! Totally different than others. I’ve to separate with my family since I was primary 4. For a 9 years old gurl, it maybe like just a nightmare! Suddenly like everything that happen before in her lifetime was just a DREAM. Everything just gone suddenly. She have to have her new lifestyle all over again.

 Do you ever know whats the feel that you can’t live with your family, and have to live separately? Do you know whats the feel that you just can see your own dad maybe 2 months per time or even more than that. Do you ever know whats the feel? And do you know whats the feel when your own dad have sick but you can’t even take care of him and accompany him or stay beside him even he is really very pain. And can’t even see the last time when he passed away. The feel for that was really terrible. 

That day when I went to my dad funeral. I were really feel like ………….dying. When I saw him lying inside the coffin. I really thought that I were dreaming. I wish I was! For me he is the best dad ever. Maybe he had done some wrong that some others man also will did it. But then at least he still always care about us. 

That day I were just like normal day and studying at school. Suddenly my mum came to school and when she reach my class was just like crying. And I don’t even know what happen. When I heard that my mum told my teacher that my dad had passed away. I were just can’t believe it. I were shocked. It was just happened to suddenly. I like many days didn’t talk to my dad. And the last day I saw my dad was the time we went to genting together when Chinese new year. I remember that I told my dad that I wanna go back to KL this December and he had promised me said okay. But suddenly everything was just like a dream. No one can’t understand my feelings. Cause no one have a bad childhood like me. 

Sometimes I don’t know why so many people still wanna  feel so sad and don’t appreciate what they have now. You will regret when you lost something for sure. So treasure whatever we have now, if not you’ll feel regret like me. This is the reason I've to laugh and smile all the time cause when i feel sad i'll remember the things that unhappy. and maybe this is also why my mum had choose my chinese name that had a word that means happy. 


________________________________________________________________________________________
 sorry to all that I hurt before.

k.o.r.e.a. - keep optimistic regardless of every adversity. 

h.o.l.l.a.n.d -  hope our love lasts and never dies. 

i.t.a.l.y. - I trust and love you. 

l.i.b.y.a. - love is beautiful; you also. 

f.r.a.n.c.e. - friendships remain and never can end.

b.u.r.m.a. - between us, remember me always. 

n.e.p.a.l. - never ever part as lovers. 

i.n.d.i.a. - I nearly died in adoration. 

k.e.n.y.a - keep everything nice, yet arousing. 

  

e.g.y.p.t. - everything’s great, you pretty thing!! 

m.a.n.i.l.a. - may all nights inspire love always. 

p.e.r.u. - phorget (forget) everyone...remember us. 

t.h.a.i.l.a.n.d. - totally happy. always in love and never dull. 

j.a.p.a.n. - just a pig and nothing. 

M.A.L.A.Y.S.I.A - Memories Are Lovable As Yielding Sweet Infinite Anniversary. 

Yesterday was my first day of work. The place I work is Danga City Mall, a restaurant call Penang Corner, and one more is Hokka Hokka, its a Japanese Restaurant. 

Its just the first day, and I meet all the workers there. They actually are not bad. Some very crazy. haha.

Now I just know how tired after working. I wish I can quit my job, But for the sake of my money. I MUST CONTINUE. 

I can't imagine I've to work for ONE MONTH.

I miss my dad. =(

Life doesn’t always deal you a good hand, its up to you to learn how to play that bad hand well.

Today I found that it is the best day to clean my room.

Everyone will feel that isn't it everyone had cleaned their room since after PMR?

Yea. It true. Actually I should clean it after my examination too! 

But you know.. I'm always that LAZY! HAHA.

So finally wait until today, with a good weather and a good mood cleaning my room. 

And until now, I only found that I have many books that will gonna say goodbye to them. 

Here is it. A lot ya? 

So sad, gonna say goodbye to them. haha!

Nah.. just kidding. Actually I had wait for this day coming. 

I wish they won't be so many books for this coming another two years. 

And now my bookshelf have become.

AWW. FEEL SO SAD FOR THEM. THEY'RE ALL SO LONELY NOW!! HAHAHA! 

I KNOW YOU ALL ARE MORE LONELY. SORRY FOR THROWING YOUR OTHERS FRIENDS. 

DON'T BLAME ME PLEASE. haha!

I like my bookshelf with empty spaces. cause with empty spaces, makes me feel without STRESS! =)

And now I using nose strip.

to remove dirt, oil and other pore clogging debris from the nose areas. 

after doin this. I'm gonna do mask! =)

Sometimes things are not exactly what we wanted or what we expected them to be.

I've always been afraid of losing people I cherish so much..
But at times I keep asking myself.


"Is there anyone who will be afraid of losing me too?"




My life isn't prefect, but it does have perfect moments.